BiPolar
by Zenya
Summary: Ron gets a fake retainer, Snape and Luna discuss "Pirates of the Caribean" and Harry bursts into flames for no reason. Read all about what happens when all the Harry Potter characters congregate in the Great Hall and do a lot of drugs.


Hello This was co-written by Virtie, BreetanyaViolet, and myself. Chapter one of this fic is titled "Snape's Mistake" and was posted by BreetanyaViolet. However, if you don't want to read chapter one, that's ok, because you don't have to read it to understand chapter two because none of it makes sense. Chapter three may be floating around the internet somewhere as well...   
  
Don't own it, never will, J.K. Rowling. blah, blah.   
  
  
  
BI-POLAR  
  
"I want a lisp," Ron said.  
  
"Fuck off ron" said Michael Corner.  
  
"You fuck off!" Harry said, throwing a pickle at michael, because he doesn't know who the hell he is.  
  
"I'm Ginny's boyfriend from the 5th book you moron," he screamed and burst into hysterical tears.  
  
"Baby," Ginny sneered. "You couldn't handle that we beat you in Quidditch! NOW I'm going out with a real man!" Ginny hangs on Neville's arm.  
  
"Go thove yourthelf up your bum" Ron said, practicing his lisp.  
  
Suddenly, Voldie appeared and killed Neville because he is annoying.  
  
Everyone stops and blinks repeatedly.  
  
"HEY YOU FUCKWAD YOU KILLED MY SEX TOY!" Ginny finally screams.  
  
Everyone stops blinking and retches.  
  
Ron adjusts his retainer,aka paper clip, unaware of ginny's announcement.  
  
Breetanya jumps into the fic and drags the Dursleys into the main hall to be tortured.  
  
Suddenly harry burst into flames for no apparent reason.  
  
Lucius appears, dressed only in a leopard spotted thong.  
  
Dumbledore poured water on harry, looked up, then shouted "LUCY!" at the top of his voice. "Come over here give me some of that nasty death eater love of yours!"  
  
(Zenya: Er, why did i write that?)  
  
(Virtie: Because you secretly want to see Dumbledore naked.)  
  
(Zenya: Oh.)  
  
(Breetanya: NOT MY FAULT WHOEVER IS UNFORTUNATE ENOUGH TO READ THIS!)  
  
Lucius prances over to Dumbledore and sits on his lap, then wiggles around.  
  
Breetanya leads the torture on the Dursleys laughing insanely.  
  
"I wonder if dicks really become wrinkled with age" Harry wondered, spitting out ashes.  
  
"Of course it doesn't! I use a tightening cream," Dumbledore announced proudly.  
  
"My retainer keeps trying to fall out!" Ron cried.  
  
"Since when do you have a retainer?" Fred asked, eyeing dumbledore suggestively.  
  
Breetanya jumps out of the fic and runs into the corner after forcing the Dursleys to apply said tightening cream with the Imperius curse.  
  
"I don't," Dumbledore stated. "Ron does!" he points over to Ron who's trying to stick the paper clip, I mean retainer, in between his teeth.  
  
Zenya jumps into the fic and throws Breetanya into Azkaban.  
  
Virtie appears in the fic and beats Breetanya for being obsessed with the Dursleys, then kidnaps Lucius to take him and the thong to a dark room.  
  
Breetanya laughs safely from her impenterable hole out of the fic, as she had already jumped out of the fic.  
  
"Ronald, dear, why are you wearing a paper clip in your teeth?" Luna asked, as she wandered aimlessesly into the fic.  
  
"Because I know you want to shag me senseless but I only have eyes for Snape and I want you to go away and also because I wanted a retainer, but they said it'd hurt too much, so I made one" Ron said proudly, showing off the retainer.  
  
"I see," she said, puffing on a joint. "Would you like to share my giant lion hat with me? It's a very good spot for you to rape me, you know."  
  
"That's intriguing," Ron pondered. "Only if i can take my hemroid love with us."  
  
"SEVIE!" BBL, who was shoved into the fic by Breetanya, shouts realizing where she was. BBL promptly jumped on Snape and started to rip off his clothes.  
  
Ron mauls Luna, trying to stick a paper clip retainer in her mouth.  
  
"Of course hemriod can join us. thats exactly what I was hoping you would say, because, I am a lesbian you see," Luna said shooting herself up with heroin.  
  
"That is a very addictive drug, you know," Dumbledore helpfully pointed out. "I should know," he said, snorting white powder.  
  
"Mmmmmm... that sounds like fun! lets go then!" Ron said merrily, eating his 'special' brownie.  
  
"I want to see 'Finding Nemo'" Crookshanks screamed.  
  
"You can't talk!" Hedwig screamed.  
  
"I want to EAT Nemo," Mrs. Norris sniffed. "But he's not in the lake."  
  
"BUT I WANT TO SEE FINDING NEMO!" Crookshanks screamed again.  
  
"I must be higher than I thought," Dumbledore said. "I could have swore I heard those animals talk."  
  
"WELL I WANT TO BE PART OF PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN SO I CAN RAP JOHNNY DEPP!" Virtie cried.  
  
Suddenly, that greek god Argus Filch (Zenya: See, see, i made a smart joke that no one will get!) stolled in.  
  
"Johnny depp was in Pirates of the Caribbean? Who did he play? I saw that the other day.. It was really good," Ron said.  
  
"Woah... look at all those eyes," Cho said poking one of Argus's eyes.  
  
(Zenya: Wow! you got my joke!)  
  
"Johnny Depp.. You know, Jack Sparrow? The MAIN character?!" Hermione  
  
shouted disbelievingly.  
  
"That was JOHNNY DEPP?" Luna wondered. "I thought it was Snivilus."  
  
"YES IT WAS JOHNNY DEPP!!" Hermione screamed.  
  
"I didn't know that," Luna stated calmly.  
  
"Oh," Ron said bemusily.  
  
"You dork face.." Hermione said as Luna and Ron laughed.  
  
"Jack Sparrow was cool," said Hermione.  
  
"He was awesome," said Ron.. drooling.  
  
"I wish Will would have became a pirate in the end though, it was his destiny," said Snape.  
  
REVIEW! 


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